‘It’s Cliche for a Reason’ – #1 – “Relationships Take Work”
Hi there, I’m Maggie O’connor at Breakthrough MFT, helping you reach your breakthrough moment.
Today I’m kicking off a series of posts called, “It’s Cliché for a Reason,” and today’s cliche is going to be… “Relationships Take Work.”
Sometimes the work is obvious; something’s broken down in the relationship and we’re working actively to fix it. Other times, we just get a sense of ‘something’s missing.’ It’ll come out in a conversation with a friend like, ‘I shouldn’t have to tell them!’ Or you’ll be having an argument with your partner, and you say, ‘You should just know this about me!’ You know clearly something’s getting missed…
And here’s the problem! We somehow bristle at the idea that relationships take work and needing to talk; needing to maybe change a behavior to address a need in the relationship. There’s this false idea out there that somehow good relationships are frictionless, or even easy! The thought of ongoing work can be disorienting or even scary, depending on what you grew up with!
Well, let’s bust this wide open… Healthy relationships require constant input much like your body needs exercise, water and vitamins to function optimally. It seems obvious when we say it like this but somehow we’re living under this other idea. So what kind of work are we talking about?
It’s work to see the other person’s perspective when we disagree, but when we feel seen and heard we’re more likely to see and hear the other person and eventually compromise. That’s work!
Let it start with you, because it’s got to start somewhere!
1. Instead of building your argument while they’re talking to you, really strive to hear their side of things. Try to hear the concern or fear that they are talking about in their position. Repeat it back if you think maybe I’ve missed something or maybe I’ve got to work something out.
2. Another kind of work is cliche on its own – Make Time. None of us have time anymore so you need to make time you know plan to minimize distractions if you have to – even leave the house if you have to
3. Schedule sex. Yes! Do that! Date night is its own cliche because it works! It helps us remember and reconnect why we liked each other in the first place.
Remember that the couples who are most successful don’t fight less often or less intensely they just repair more quickly, and they do the work to resolve they have more positive interactions that motivate them to resolve quickly. If you have trouble, therapy can be really helpful to unlocking the blocks to your connection.
If it surprises you that relationships take work, know that you’re not alone. The question is, how much do you value your relationship; and how hard you’re willing to work for it.
I’m Maggie O’Connor at Breakthrough MFT, hoping this helps you to break on through.